By Marija Lobanova
As a Psychosocially trained mother of two girls, now aged two and four, I often find myself reflecting on the many ways our parenting choices shape our children. One of the most significant decisions my husband and I made was to embrace co-sleeping. This choice wasn’t born solely out of convenience—although nursing my youngest at night without getting out of bed has undoubtedly been a blessing—but rather from a deep understanding of this practice’s developmental and emotional benefits. Co-sleeping is a cornerstone of our family’s connection, deeply rooted in anthropology and psychology.
A Tradition Across Time and Cultures
Anthropological evidence strongly supports co-sleeping as a natural and beneficial practice. Across the globe and throughout history, shared sleeping arrangements have been the norm rather than the exception. In many cultures, the concept of separate sleeping spaces for infants is unheard of. For example, in Japan, families often sleep together on futons, fostering a sense of closeness and security. Similarly, among the! In Kung San, in southern Africa, infants sleep next to their mothers, who respond promptly to their nighttime needs. This practice aligns with the evolutionary need for proximity between mother and child, promoting survival and emotional well-being.
While Western cultures’ modern preference has shifted toward separate sleeping arrangements, co-sleeping has historical roots here as well. In medieval Europe, it was common for families to share a single bed, not just out of necessity but also as a way of maintaining warmth and security. Early American settlers often practised co-sleeping, particularly in frontier environments where safety was a primary concern. Even into the 19th century, the “family bed” was a fixture in many households.
More recently, co-sleeping has seen a resurgence in some Western families, particularly among those who embrace attachment parenting principles. These parents often view co-sleeping as a way to strengthen bonds and ensure their children feel secure. Scandinavian countries, known for their progressive parenting practices, have also embraced family-centric sleeping arrangements. In Sweden, for example, it is not uncommon for parents to co-sleep with their infants well into toddlerhood, reflecting a cultural emphasis on connection and emotional well-being.
The shift away from co-sleeping in much of the West coincided with the Industrial Revolution and the rise of ideas about individualism. As homes grew larger and the concept of personal space became more prominent, separate nurseries and cribs became symbols of progress and modernity. However, this departure from traditional practices does not negate the long-standing history of shared sleeping arrangements. By recognising the global and historical context of co-sleeping, parents can feel empowered to make choices that align with their cultural heritage and children’s needs.
The Science of Co-Sleeping and Development
From a psychological perspective, co-sleeping offers numerous developmental benefits that extend far beyond the immediate comfort of parent and child. Research demonstrates that close physical proximity to caregivers during sleep can significantly enhance an infant’s sense of security. This secure attachment—formed when a child knows their needs will be met consistently—is the foundation for healthy emotional and social development. Infants who feel safe and supported are more likely to grow into confident and resilient children, better equipped to navigate life’s challenges.
Moreover, co-sleeping can facilitate better sleep quality for both parents and children. Babies near their caregivers tend to wake less frequently, as their physiological needs are met promptly and with minimal distress. This responsiveness reduces stress for both parties and creates a nurturing environment that promotes positive sleep associations.
Co-sleeping also supports self-regulation and emotional well-being. Babies experience lower stress levels when their cries are soothed, which helps regulate their cortisol levels and promotes a sense of trust in their caregivers. Over time, this trust builds a secure attachment that lays the groundwork for independence. Contrary to the misconception that co-sleeping fosters dependency, children who feel securely attached often become more independent and self-assured as they mature.
In my own experience, co-sleeping has encouraged my daughters to embrace new challenges confidently. Knowing they have a safe and loving space to return to each night gives them the courage to explore the world during the day. This balance of security and exploration exemplifies co-sleeping’s profound impact on child development, making it a practice worth considering for families seeking to nurture strong, lasting connections.
Breastfeeding and Co-Sleeping: A Perfect Pair
For breastfeeding mothers like myself, co-sleeping is an incredibly harmonious practice. The proximity allows for easier nighttime feedings, minimising sleep disruptions for both mother and baby. Thanks to the synchrony established between mother and child, co-sleeping also helps regulate the baby’s breathing, heart rate, and temperature. This biological connection is often referred to as “physiological bonding” and is thought to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
The Negative Influence of Capitalism on Children’s Sleep
The widespread rejection of co-sleeping in many Western societies is not rooted in science or tradition but rather in the demands of capitalist structures. In a culture that prioritises productivity and economic efficiency, independent sleep training has become a norm, marketed to ensure parents return to work quickly and maintain high output levels. This pressure to “normalise” infant sleep often ignores biological needs and undermines the natural rhythms of childhood development.
Capitalism commodifies parenting by introducing tools, gadgets, and strategies designed to foster independence at the earliest stages of life. Products like cribs, baby monitors, and sleep-training programs are promoted as essential, creating a lucrative industry while perpetuating the myth that co-sleeping is unsafe or indulgent. This economic-driven narrative alienates parents from their instincts, leading to stress, guilt, and a potential loss of connection with their children.
By sidelining practices like co-sleeping, capitalism disrupts the deeply embedded human need for proximity and nurturance. Parents may feel pressured to prioritise rigid schedules over their children’s emotional and physiological needs, potentially hindering optimal development. Recognising these influences allows caregivers to reclaim their parenting choices and create environments that genuinely support their children’s well-being.
The Influence of Behaviourist Theory and Sleep Training
Behaviourist theory is another significant force shaping modern attitudes toward co-sleeping, which has heavily influenced sleep training methodologies. Pioneered by psychologists like John Watson and later popularised in parenting literature, behaviourist principles emphasise conditioning and reward systems to modify behaviours, including infant sleep patterns. Sleep training methods such as “cry it out” (CIO) are rooted in these ideas.
While these approaches can lead to changes in sleep behaviour, they often fail to consider the emotional and developmental needs of the child. For instance, the “cry it out” method encourages caregivers to ignore a baby’s cries to teach self-soothing. However, research suggests that prolonged crying without comfort can lead to elevated stress levels in infants, as evidenced by increased cortisol levels. Over time, this may impair the formation of secure attachments and affect emotional regulation.
Behaviourist sleep training also reflects cultural biases that value independence over interdependence, reinforcing that children should become self-reliant as early as possible. While independence is an admirable goal, it need not come at the expense of a child’s sense of safety and connection. Co-sleeping, by contrast, fosters a gradual and natural transition toward independence, allowing children to develop at their own pace while maintaining a strong emotional bond with their caregivers.
Sleep Training and Cultural Expectations
As a mother married to an Australian, I have first-hand experience with the cultural expectations surrounding infant sleep training. Australian Maternal and Child Health system widely promotes sleep training as a standard approach to addressing infant sleep challenges, supported by the national Medicare system. Programs such as Tresillian and Karitane offer structured advice, and stay-in schools teach parents techniques like controlled crying and self-soothing (imagine if the NHS promoted sleep training stay-in clinics!). These programs, while well-meaning and supportive in many ways, emphasise the nationwide and arguably prescriptive approach to a child’s sleep and expectations from parents.
During my youngest daughter’s infancy, I faced significant pressure to consider sleep training. Health professionals framed co-sleeping as a barrier to achieving “good” sleep habits, and I was repeatedly advised to place my baby in a cot in a separate room and let her ‘cry it out’. The rationale often cited was to foster independence and reduce the risk of sleep associations, which were portrayed as problematic. There was a point where I gave in and let my baby cry for over TWO HOURS! What was I thinking? Indeed, it cannot be suitable for anyone. Some babies would not mind being on their own and would fall asleep after a short resistance, but my babies were adamant that they did not want to be left on their own. And they made it pretty clear.
So, I found the sleep-training perspective at odds with my instincts and understanding of child development. Research consistently highlights the benefits of responsive parenting during nighttime hours, and I worried about the emotional toll of sleep training methods like controlled crying. Ignoring my child’s cries felt counterintuitive and potentially damaging to our bond. For parents navigating similar pressures, trusting their instincts and making decisions that align with their values and their children’s unique needs is essential.
A Personal Reflection
For me, co-sleeping is more than a practical solution; it’s a way of nurturing a bond that will last a lifetime. The quiet moments in the middle of the night, when my youngest nestles close and her soft breaths match mine, remind me of our profound connection. I also noticed that my four-year-old has a better and longer sleep when having her loving daddy nearby. When sleeping with someone else in the room, she does not wake up at night, rarely has nightmares, and sleeps for an extra hour after a morning cuddle. One day, the girls will be sleeping in the same room without our parents, but for now, for another few months, I will deeply cherish the nights we spend together.
To the mothers and caregivers reading this: co-sleeping isn’t about spoiling a child or clinging to them too tightly. It’s about meeting them where they are and offering them the security they need to grow into independent, compassionate individuals. It’s about embracing the natural rhythm of parenthood and trusting the instincts that guide us.
Let’s celebrate this beautiful, shared journey of raising children—one night, one cuddle, one breath at a time.
While many parents plan for their infants to sleep safely in their own cots, it’s common for circumstances such as exhaustion or illness to lead to co-sleeping.
Recognising this reality, recent guidelines have evolved to support parents in making informed decisions about safer co-sleeping practices. Rather than shaming parents, it’s crucial to provide them with strategies to ensure safety during co-sleeping, even if it wasn’t part of their initial plan.
UK Guidelines on Co-Sleeping:
- NHS Guidance: The NHS advises that the safest place for a baby to sleep for the first six months is in a cot or Moses basket in the same room as the parents. However, they acknowledge that parents may sometimes share a bed with their baby. In such cases, they recommend ensuring the baby sleeps on a firm, flat mattress on their back, without any pillows or duvets that could obstruct their breathing.
- The Lullaby Trust: This organisation provides detailed advice on co-sleeping, emphasising the importance of creating a safe sleep environment. They highlight that while co-sleeping can be a natural and beneficial practice, it’s essential to avoid hazardous situations, such as sleeping on a sofa or after consuming alcohol.
- Unicef UK: Unicef has developed resources to guide health professionals in discussing co-sleeping and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) with parents. Their materials stress the importance of open conversations and provide evidence-based recommendations to reduce risks associated with co-sleeping.
Statistics on Co-Sleeping in the UK:
- A survey conducted by The Lullaby Trust revealed that 76% of parents have co-slept with their baby at some point. However, over 40% admitted to having done so in dangerous circumstances, such as on a sofa, after consuming alcohol, or as smokers. These situations significantly increase the risk of SIDS.
- Data from Unicef UK indicates that approximately half of SIDS cases occur while the baby is sleeping in a cot or Moses basket, and the other half occur during co-sleeping. Notably, 90% of the co-sleeping-related SIDS cases involved hazardous situations that are largely preventable.
Key Recommendations for Safer Co-Sleeping:
- Avoid Hazardous Situations: Never co-sleep on a sofa or armchair, as this increases the risk of SIDS by up to 50 times. Additionally, avoid co-sleeping if you have consumed alcohol, are a smoker, or have taken drugs that may impair your awareness.
- Create a Safe Sleep Environment: Ensure the baby sleeps on a firm, flat mattress without pillows, duvets, or any items that could cover their face or head. Keep the room at a comfortable temperature to prevent overheating.
- Open Communication: Healthcare professionals are encouraged to discuss sleep practices with parents openly, providing guidance tailored to individual circumstances to promote safer sleep environments.
By acknowledging the realities of parenting and offering non-judgmental, practical advice, we can better support families in making informed decisions that prioritise the safety and well-being of their children.
