Helping an Anxious Child Return to School

Starting school, or returning after a break, can feel overwhelming for many children. While some approach it with excitement, others may experience anxiety that makes the transition much harder. For a child, this can show up as restlessness, worry at bedtime, morning tears, or even physical complaints like stomach aches.

As a parent or caregiver, you play a key role in supporting children through these emotions. Anxiety is not something you can simply “fix” for them, but you can help them feel safe, understood, and capable of coping. With time, patience, and consistent reassurance, most children gradually build the confidence they need.

Here are some practical ways to help:

1. Listen with patience and respect

Children’s worries often make more sense than they appear at first. They may be anxious about separation, about not knowing what will happen in class, or about friendships. Create unhurried opportunities for them to talk—perhaps during a walk, at bedtime, or while drawing. Listen without judgement, avoid minimising their feelings, and reflect back what you hear: “It sounds like you’re worried about…”.

Validating their feelings doesn’t mean agreeing with their fears—it means showing them that their emotions are real, important, and safe to share with you. This reassurance alone can lower their anxiety.

2. Work together with the school

If anxiety continues, talk with the school. Teachers and pastoral staff often have simple strategies to help, such as assigning a “buddy,” arranging a calm space, or giving the child extra time to settle in at the start of the day.

Schools may also be able to explain routines in advance, share visual timetables, or provide a key adult the child can check in with. The more consistent the support between home and school, the more secure the child will feel.

3. Keep home life predictable

Routine is powerful for children who feel anxious. A familiar structure helps them know what to expect and provides stability when school feels unpredictable. Try to keep mealtimes, bedtimes, and after-school routines as steady as possible.

Small rituals, such as reading the same story at bedtime or following a “getting ready” checklist in the morning, can give children a sense of control. If mornings are stressful, prepare bags, clothes, and lunches the night before to reduce pressure. Predictability can’t remove all worries, but it softens the impact of change.

4. Build confidence gradually

Anxiety often shrinks when children experience success in small steps. Rather than expecting them to face everything at once, break challenges down. Practise the school journey together, role-play classroom scenarios, or arrange short playdates to reconnect with peers.

You can also use gentle exposure: for example, walking past the school gates before term starts, visiting the playground when it’s quiet, or meeting the teacher informally. Each step helps build familiarity, which in turn reduces fear.

5. Encourage calming tools and self-regulation

Children often need support learning how to calm themselves when worries rise. You can introduce simple techniques such as deep breathing, using a comfort object, or squeezing a stress ball in their pocket. For some children, sensory strategies (like listening to calming music, chewing a crunchy snack, or wrapping in a blanket) are very grounding.

Teaching these skills not only helps with school transitions but also builds long-term emotional resilience. Over time, children can learn to recognise their own signals of rising anxiety and choose strategies that help.

6. Focus on connection, not just reassurance

It’s natural to want to tell an anxious child “you’ll be fine,” but what they often need most is connection. Spend quality time together doing activities they enjoy, whether that’s baking, playing outside, or drawing. This strengthens your relationship and builds a buffer of emotional security.

Sometimes the best support is simply being present—sitting quietly beside them, holding a hand, or offering a hug. Connection helps children feel safe enough to take on challenges.

School-related anxiety can be challenging for both children and caregivers. While you can’t remove every fear, you can create an environment of patience, consistency, and understanding that makes it easier for them to cope. In most cases, as routines become familiar, children discover new confidence and independence, and the worries that once felt overwhelming begin to fade.